Second Chance
by Neru
Summary: Despair, hope, tears, smiles, chances, failures.Freya's thoughts about Loki and his decision of staying in the human world. Second chance has many faces...FreyaLoki, MayuraLoki


Disclaimer: Matantei Loki Ragnarok doesn't belong to me. But I wish Loki would...  
  
I know Freya sometimes seems to be pretty annoying and obsessive but actually I like her. So I decided to write something more angsty from her point of view, because even if it's put funny and hilarious in some episodes, she really loves Loki very much.  
  
Those are Freya's thoughts set right after Loki decided not to come back, yet before she turned into Reiya again.  
  
SECOND CHANCE  
  
So you have chosen her in the end. You preferred staying in Human World as a mortal, in a child's body, only in order not to leave this girl, only to be near her. Although she doesn't know who you are, isn't aware about your past, your sins and everything that makes your existence.  
  
I don't believe you would have wanted to throw everything away if she hadn't interfered. If you hadn't met this girl, things would have been much more simply, convenient and clear. After gathering and surpassing all hardships, we were meant to come back to the world of gods, to our place, where we belong.  
  
But you seem to fit in this world too. You even enjoy this life, people, places, running your agency... You always were a very independent person, finding pleasure in breaking all rules and living in your own way. Even if you are truly fond of your children, of people dear to your heart, you always seem aloof, cool, and never easy to approach. This world has changed you a little indeed, but however gentle and kind you may be, you keep your feelings to yourself.  
  
And that hurts me. I'd want to hear about things bothering you, so I could help you. Why can't you open your heart to me? If you would only say a word.... I'd be there immediately. Can't you see that there is no such a thing I wouldn't do for you? I would give you anything, everything. Sacrifice whatever you please. But you don't even want my sacrifice, nor my gifts. You say you are happy about my feelings, but then why don't you accept them?  
  
I often act like an idiot, trying to catch your attention, only one single look, one warmer look, but you don't give me it as frequently as you do to others. I'm not wanting too much, am I? But you're not concerned. You don't have time to share it with me, but when it comes to this mortal girl, you suddenly find plenty of it.  
  
You pretend she bothers you, she's an eyesore but overall, her presence still pleases you. You want her to be somewhere near and you worry whenever she gets into another trouble made of her own stupidity and naïvetÄ  
  
Those accusations lead to only one outcome but I can't admit it freely, as if finally saying it would cause it to come true. You love her, in the way I don't want you to, I can't comprehend why you do.  
  
I find it so unfair. This emotion, even if it is only deep care in your case is eerie. This feeling is pure, gentle and it has nothing to do with lust, passion or many other ways you used to feel towards women. You don't even need it to be returned. Why have you changed so strongly? Why it wasn't me who cause this change?! Why it isn't me?!  
  
Those questions keep on wandering somewhere in my mind, as I feel totally helpless about my situation. I know there is no way to force you to anything and besides, those kind of feelings shouldn't be forced. It's spontaneous, free and sometimes sudden, violent. It overwhelms you, like it does to me. When I look at you, this mix of passion, love, care, fondness, gentleness and desire to be there in your arms takes control over me.  
  
It may sometimes look as if I am simply flirting, as if your refuse wouldn't make me more than shrug, go away and seek somebody else. But I told you so many times, that it is not that way, that I love you truly. But may be you think it's only a caprice, not aware of how much it hurts me to know you don't treat my feelings serious.  
  
What else should I say for you to believe me eventually? I really don't see how can I assure you about this all. I can talk to you, but you won't listen, I can try to hug you but you won't hug me back, I can try everything, and you will still treat me so indulgently. You really don't understand anything at all.  
  
You are such a blind idiot and yet I've chosen you. Or rather I should say, something in me chose you, not asking my common sense if I wanted to. I would say you are not a proper person to place such feelings upon, because being selfish, you will cause only grief. However, now it's too late. I can blame only myself for that and you as well, for being as you are, and for making me love you.  
  
From many women, you protect her. You can have everyone you want and yet, most of your warmth you place upon her. You all get along so well, living in mansion. Yamino-kun, Fenrir, Ecchan, and Mayura too, as she spends with you most of her spare time. I see that there is no place for me there. You are happy without me, and you don't need me. Of course, me in my own form, not as Reiya. Strangely, you are very kind to Reiya. I want to believe that it's because you know it's me. But she doesn't act like me, and we are not the same.  
  
I can change, I can do anything... and you still don't turn to look at me.  
  
All locked in your own world, you stay quiet, reserved and even anger or panic doesn't look violent in your case. You can cope almost everything, always strong, independent and self-confident. This only changes when you are with Mayura. You often show her your more gentle side.  
  
I would like to say that's she's not worth you, she's ugly, bad, stupid and so on. But I hate to admit that she's actually pretty, pure-hearted, cutely naïve and she deserves a lot. She's a hard opponent.  
  
What opponent...? She already won and there was no battle.  
  
You may see me as a pathetic woman, who can't cope with a defeat. But I just can't give up on what I feel. My heart cries for your touch, for your gentle words, for warmth in your eyes... Solitude overwhelms me, even if I'm near to you.  
  
Because we are so close, yet so afar...  
  
Don't abandon me like that, please. You still have time to change your mind! How I want to hear it coming from you, "Freya, let's come back together". We should be heading to our world, our home... Why do you feel better in that home you have here? It shouldn't be this way.  
  
I hoped you may do it all out of spite. But you didn't, you were serious. I' begging you, consider it, you can still retreat! Everyone will understand... But it seems that they don't want to come back either.  
  
.....  
  
As you're heading to your mansion, to reassure this girl that you are all right, my hope fades away. I know there is no chance for us to be together, as I want it.  
  
Not now.  
  
But even as Reiya, I swear, I won't ever give up. In this little girl's body, I still have a chance and this time it won't be wasted. I can find a way to gain it, and I will not lose. I will try my best, in whatever form or body.  
  
I know that as Reiya I'm not aware of who I am, I'm sure I can cope even with this. If that is impossible... Well, in that case, I am going to make the impossible. This is my second chance, and if it fails, I will make anything to get another. It can go endlessly, I do not care.  
  
How stupid I am, really. But I guess love can do great fools of us, can't it? It makes us blind, reckless, stubborn, but it also gives us strength to fight for what we want. I will not waste it, at any cost.  
  
For I love you, Loki.  
  
END  
  
Well, Freya-chan became pretty depressed and determined. But I like her nonetheless, and I somehow feel sorry for her... But it doesn't stop me from being MayuraxLoki fan (and sometimes HeimdallxLoki... yay... I suppose everyone loves Heimdall... :)  
  
Please review! I really appreciate your opinions! 


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